Where in the World is Carmen Sandi-KATE-o?
I had a Gen Z coworker ask, what is the deal with these royals? This was an unexpected question during our usual water cooler talk, and I was unsure how to address their genuine confusion. I landed on this exact wording:
“There is a generation of people who remember sitting at the kitchen table, watching their mother’s cry, during Princess Diana’s funeral procession. You never forget that.”
I’ve never been a huge royal enthusiast, but I am a product of my upbringing. I know all the main characters, the plot points, the weddings and divorces and Fergie’s. I think I reached the pinnacle of my interests when William and Harry were teenagers—myself, a pre-teen, ready for either’s wedding proposal at the drop of a hat—but that interest waned to a fair weather fan in recent years, only checking in with newsworthy events.
The royal family is not made to survive the whiplash attention spans of social media driven internet. I can’t imagine a member of the royal family with a TikTok account or opening a Depop store. The formality and political neutrality that has been a crucial part of the monarch’s survival for hundreds of years will not withstand the scrutiny of a fifteen year old social crusader.
We are already seeing the generational clash at this very moment because of the whole Kate thing.
What is going on?
Here are the absolute, bare minimum facts without commentary or conspiracy: on January 16, 2024, the palace released a statement that Kate Middleton had undergone a planned abdominal surgery and was expected to recover at the hospital for 10 to 14 days, and she would not resume public appearances until after Easter.
This seems like a mundane series of events, but the sequence and the lack of transparency from the palace has caused an unexpected stir among internet sleuths. For one, an ambulance was seen at the residence the day before the statement, so it is likely Kate was transported. Why would you need an ambulance for a planned surgery?
The length of recovery caught people’s attention, as well. “Abdominal surgery” is intentionally vague, expertly so, the type of thing the palace has always been about, but it does not pass scrutiny of the general population. Many commentators have indicated that abdominal surgeries typically have a quick turnaround but that is based off the American healthcare system, so it is difficult to compare to any normal set of procedures.
The palace also released news of the King’s cancer diagnosis in the middle of all this, seemingly to take interest off of Kate’s health concerns, but the detailed news about the King’s health and appointments only highlighted the lack of transparency with regards to Kate. Once again, calling attention to the devious PR tactics of the palace, all in the name of protecting the crown (Charles and William— the direct heir), and reminding the general population how easily the family will throw a woman under the bus (Diana and Meghan) to protect their image.
There is a lot of speculation about Kate physical and mental health, but I am not as interested in the conspiracies (though I love to hear them). My interest goes back to that original question posed by an oblivious 23 year old.
Why—as Americans—do we care?
Why is this news?
For one, I think we are bored. The economy is not great. We are already exhausted from this year’s election news cycle, and it hasn’t even really started. Hollywood is quiet since the strike. There are no submersible tragedies to unify us.
For royal specific context: Elizabeth II died in 2022, and her son, Charles III was coronated in an elaborate week long event in 2023. Also of note, the final season of The Crown aired on Netflix at the end of last year. All of these events, I think, have kept the royal family in the forefront of minds (specifically American).
We’ve always had this fascination with royalty even though we despised it enough to seek independence, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t envious of the mystique. Say what you will about our constitutional democracy, the good and the bad and the ugly, there is one thing we can agree on: the US government is criminally unsexy. Sure, we have outliers, but even the Kennedy’s were considered the American archetype because of their similarities to Camelot, a British legend.
Yes, we want equality and checks and balances, but sometimes we just want a lil’ glamour, you know? The royal family has never disappointed with their cold shoulders and even colder jewels.
Wall Street or private equity begets wealth and privilege? Eat the rich!
Heavenly ordained rule begets wealth and privilege? ~*That’s showbiz, baby*~
Sometimes, it is easier to swallow the delusion of a royal because modernity has stripped them into circus performers, forced to portray ancient power while having very little. This is why we continue to discuss them even as they fade into irrelevancy, we are disgusted, titillated, envious. We’re just happy that it isn’t us.
So where is Kate?
I would be a very rich woman if I had the answer. Is she dead? I don’t think so. I think the most tragic thing about this mystery is its likely mundanity. It could be something other than abdominal surgery, a physical or mental detail that she wishes to keep private. It could be abdominal surgery. Some have suggested that she has a colostomy bag and does not want to be photographed with it.
We have to remember that in these moments. We must hold on to rationality as the world becomes more chaotic and overstimulated with so many '“truths”.
Honestly, we should probably all go outside and touch grass.