My Favorite Agents on Selling Sunset
(No season four spoilers)
This is just instinct. Not popularity or common sense. This list comes straight from the heart:
9. Heather
I hate her laugh. I hate her husband. I know nothing else else about her. She is seemingly always in scenes but never leaves a lasting impression. As much as Christine is a gutter monster, there is something truly dark lurking behind Heather's eyes.
8. Emma
She is a better Heather. She stays in her lane (for the most part). She has a midsection that is roughly five of my torsos stacked one on top of the other. She has amazing hair and amazing boobs that I am comfortable enough in my sexuality to say, I can't look away from! She sells frozen food? I think that Christine hates Emma not because they share an ex but because Emma has composure, which Christine lacks. I am intrigued.
7. Amanza
I wish that I could rank Amanza higher on this list, I really do, but her presence on the show is inconsistent. Is she actually a realtor? Does she actually decorate homes? She has real world reasons for not participating (the whole kids and missing ex-husband thing). That is the crux of reality TV—you want honesty but that comes with the complications of real life. I just hope she can create enough stability in her life to rejoin the petty drama.
6. Vanessa
I think Vanessa is the most striking woman on the show. She is a cozy room with a fireplace while the other ladies are emptied condos in South End. Vanessa could have easily waltzed in and played the new bitch schtick that people often play when they join a show, but Vanessa came in with compassion even if it was directed at the wrong person, Christine. I do hope that Vanessa is able to harness some of her goodwill with the other ladies into usable power and not become a doormat for their six-inch stilettos.
5. Chrishell
Chrishell is to Selling Sunset as Lauren Conrad was to The Hills. She is the protagonist, but she is also the villain. She does have a more harrowing backstory than LC, so there is a degree more sympathy. Did you guys know Chrishell used to be homeless? Well, she talks about it every episode, so you should know. I am sorry. That was mean. I don't want to be cold, but I am tired of hearing about it. I am tired of hearing about her ex. Chrishell's victimhood is not interesting, but that does not mean I entirely write her off as a character. For the first time, I enjoyed Chrishell in season four. I liked watching her interact with the Marvel star and the basketball star. I loved her highlights. I also loved that she is leaning into her mean girl side a bit. Chrishell is best when she is not pretending to be wholesome. I want to see the driven, plotting woman who got a girl off the streets and into a three-million-dollar home.
4. Christine
I saved my assessment of Christine for last to write because I think she is one of the hardest to summarize. Her and Chrishell sit about halfway on the list because they are necessary for the show as the main foil, but I am never really interested in the main characters. My curiosity lies on the fringe characters and storylines, that's why I think my top three might be surprising to some. As Chrishell is the LC, Christine is the Heidi Montag, but she is also the Spencer Pratt. She takes a boring turn as the main villain for the first three season, doing the customary plotting that all great antagonists do—isolating the new girl, worming fractures in relationships, and getting married in black—but then something amazing happened in season four, Christine lost control of her own plot. Her lies backfire, solidifying the defenses of Mary and Chrishell, and she now finds herself alienated from everyone. (Let's not forget she also had a baby.) There is a sheer cliff in front of her, and she must decide how to handle this nefarious position. She could go the route of the aforementioned Heidi/Spencer and become so toxic that her castmates refuse to film with her. This would be a quick death to her time on the show because there is no greater thing a tv villain can do, leaving no room for redemption. I, for one, cannot wait to see what she decides to do.
3. Mary
There has an air of early reality tv desperation about Mary that I really love. I would not be surprised to find out that she had auditioned for Rock of Love or early Bachelor seasons. I can't take my eyes off of her "frantic" energy, as Christine put it best. I've told many people that Mary is very bird-like. There is something avian in how she moves her head and the look in her eyes, and I always expect her to start squawking when she is mad. Christine and Chrishell are slated as the main figureheads of this good vs evil battle, but Mary is all the foot soldiers fighting in the open field, giving their life and limb to a cause they do not personally hold. She is out here doing the work, and I appreciate everything she does.
2. Davina
I know this is a controversial ranking. When I announced, boldly, on Instagram that Davina is one of my favorites, I was met with a lot of whys. Why? I can't explain love! It just is. There is something about her awkwardness, her inability to dress appropriately for any event ( #neverforget the dress she wore to Mary's bachelorette party), and her terrible timing that are enduring. Truthfully, in a lot of ways, I see myself in Davina, the version of myself that would agree to be on reality tv. There are two sides to her character—a stubbornness that refuses to bend to the Twins and then there is a little bow peep character who cowers in Christine's shadow. When I look at Davina, I see a lot of insecurity. I imagine that Davina spends hours talking to herself up in the shower, planning what she is going to say on camera, but it always comes out shaken and weird because she is very "other" to these women. She does not have a bubbly personality or a fake smile, and for that reason, I hope she never changes.
1. Maya
My light, my star, my agent-broker extraordinaire. This woman stays pregnant and unbothered by the drama. Some might say that is boring, and it is! The biggest disappointment of season four was too little Maya. I need Maya out of Miami and on Sunset hawking mcmansions! And if she is staying in Miami, give her Selling Miami! I want Maya to tell me a bedtime story. I would listen to her read the phonebook. Out of all the ladies, Maya seems the most grounded in reality. She is the only one whose job as a realtor outweighs fame. This is hard for me to accept because "normal" people do not make the best reality stars, and she goes against everything I usually enjoy in reality tv. There has to be some level of delusion, and, miraculously, I do not think Maya is delusional at all. She is the audience's window—a role Chrishell so desperately craves—and at the end of the day, once the dust has settled on this franchise, she is the one who will live out her days in peace. A true winner!